Starting today, I am taking an anti-depressant. I will ease up to a full dose over the next week and see my doctor in two weeks. At that point, we will reevaluate and decide if any adjustments are necessary.
People have told me I am brave to have been so forthcoming with my recent issues. I realize that there have been chemical abnormalities in my brain that cause me to feel weird. I know that I have a strong family history of serious mood disorders and that I am breaking the cycle of living in the dark pit.
I feel weak. I feel shame. I feel sorrow for causing pain to myself and my family.
I know that is the depression talking. The stigma of mental health issues. The voice of well-meaning but ignorant church people that say all I have to do is pray harder and have more faith so God will pull me up from the darkness and into the Joy.
One of my favorite authors, Glennon Doyle Melton, has encouraged me today. As she describes in this video, I’m choosing to Do the Next Right Thing, which for me right now is taking an extra pill every day. This is a defining moment for me and for my family, and I’m learning what it is to have Enough.
“I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
Philippians 4:12-13, NIV